we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
