Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
