Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
