you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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