WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
