haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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