Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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