..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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