you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
