I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
