I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
