I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
