Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize