the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
