And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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