i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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