you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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