Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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