over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
