Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
