i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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