if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
