If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
