Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize