She just used a chaser for red wine.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
