I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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