theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
