I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
