Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
