he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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