its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
