Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
