Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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