You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
