dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
