My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
