I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
