What a fucking waste of an outfit
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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