The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize