You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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