Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize