Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
