You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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