turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
