i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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