my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
