So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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