Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
