He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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