Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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