i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
