i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
