I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
