Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
