I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
