Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
They have beer where we have blood.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
