Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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