i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
