I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The uberlube is also flammable
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
