i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize