Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
