Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
