My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
