i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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