So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
