so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
