The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
