i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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