what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
